1: Booby cactus (Myrtillocactus geometrizans cv. fukurokuryuzinboku – main image)
Holly Farrell, author of Botanica Erotica, is a big fan: “This rare cultivar is a rare example of a more feminine shape among other cacti’s phallic stems. The ‘boobs’ are swollen tubercles (small, rounded swellings), each complete with an areola just where the nipple would be on a human breast.”
Can I grow it? Yes, care for it as you would any cactus plant.
2: Bushman’s buttocks (Lithops ruschiorum)
“Proudly mooning all passers-by, and mocking the grazing animals that mistake it for a stone amongst the surrounding scree, bushman’s buttocks are also known as living stone,” says Holly of this stone plant succulent. “When conditions are perfect, they produce a sunshine-yellow flower from between their buttocks.” Charming all round…
Can I grow it? Yes, as an indoor plant or greenhouse specimen.
3: Knobweed (Hyptis capitata)
“Sadly, the knob in question here is more doorknob than the other kind,” says Holly. “Unlike stiffcock (Diospyros crassinervis), which is used as a herbal virility enhancer, knobweed has no particular effect on that organ, but has been found to have some anti-bacterial effects.”
Can I grow it? It’s actually categorised as an invasive weed in Australia, so probably no!
4: Naked ladies (Colchicum autumnale)
Another favourite of Holly’s: “These autumn flowers push up nakedly from the corm, without any surrounding leaves. They’re strictly for admiring from afar, as all parts contain toxic colchicine.”
Can I grow them? Absolutely. Bulbs are available for delivery from late summer
5: Turkey tangle frogfruit (Phyla nodiflora)
A charming spreading perennial with lilac and white summer flowers, the name comes from the dense, knotted webs of its stems, mixed with an evolution of ‘fogfruit’, a medieval term for low-growing vegetation.
Can I grow it? Yes! Although a native of the tropics, it’s hardy to -10C and widely grown in the UK as a resilient evergreen ground cover.
6: Nipplewort (Lapsana communis)
Holly says that in the medieval medical Doctrine of Signatures, a plant that resembled a body part was thought to be beneficial for that part. “The nipple-like buds of nipplewort were prescribed for sore breastfeeding women. Today it’s been shown to have little benefit to the nipples or indeed anywhere else, but the leaves are edible, if a little hairy.”
Can I grow it? Depends on how you feel about ‘weeds’ – this is a common garden example.
7: Sticky willie (Galium aparine)
Loved by hedgerow pranksters, its hooked foliage and seeds have also been used to ‘predict’ marriage proposals, says Holly. “According to rural folklore, when scrunched balls of stems were thrown at a girl, the number that stuck would be the number of suitors she’d have.”
Can I grow it? You may have no choice.
8: Strangler fig (Ficus aurea)
As creepy as the name suggests, this Central American/Mexican epiphyte commonly wraps itself around another tree until it is strangled, often surviving as a spooky mesh-like structure after the tree that was inside has died and rotted.
Can I grow it? It’s sometimes grown indoors as a bonsai specimen, but hard to get hold of in the UK.
9: Dead man’s fingers (Xylaria polymorpha)
This fungus is creepy as they come; its grey-green, upturned growths appear from the ground around rotting wood, very much like its name suggests.
Can I grow it? Do you really want to have nightmares about the risen dead?
10: Misshapen penis plant (Amorphophallus titanum)
The translation of the scientific name is ‘giant misshapen penis’, but this plant is also nicknamed ‘the corpse flower’. “Its rotting-carrion stench might be off-putting to us, but to its fly pollinators it’s the sweet fragrance of a home-cooked meal after a long day at the office, plus a warm bed (the flower is noticeably warmer than the surrounding air),” says Holly. Trapped in the flower overnight, liberally coated with pollen, the fly is then released to hopefully pollinate another arum.
Can I grow it? Really…?
11: Darth Vader begonia (Begonia darthvaderiana)
The dark lord of houseplants, this rare and highly sought-after begonia is loved by collectors for its near-black velvety leaves and contrasting red flowers.
Can I grow it? Doubt it; you’ll need to mimic the exact conditions of its native Borneo
12: Vampire orchid (Dracula vampira)
An orchid as rare and distinctive as the name suggests, with large black sepals surrounding a tiny white flower, hooded like a dragon (Dracula means ‘little dragon’). Like the strangler fig, it’s epiphytic and grows on the lower sections of trees.
Can I grow it? Good luck. This is one picky vampire, found only in the cloud forests of Mount Pichincha in Ecuador
13: Obi-Wan conobea (Leucospora multifida)
Clearly, botanists were having a fun day when they landed on this one, a pun on its former botanical genus Conobea. Any similarity to the Jedi Master sadly ends there.
Can I grow it? Not unless you’re also native to midwestern US, where it grows as an annual herb.
Holly Farrell is the author of books including Healing with Plants: The Chelsea Physic Garden Herbal and The Kew Gardener’s Guides to Growing Herbs, RHS Little Book of Wild Gardening and, most recently Botanica Erotica: A Compendium of Plants That Are Naughty by Nature (Dorling Kindersley, published 22 October in the UK). @holly_farrell_books
