27 Dumb But Funny Gardening Jokes

Knock knock!

Who’s there?

Honeydew!

Honeydew who?

Honeydew you want to hear some gardening jokes? We’ve sifted through what’s out there to bring you the funniest gardening jokes on the web.

Almost all garden gnomes have red hats. It’s a little gnome fact.

I don’t buy flowers from monks. I like to do my bit to prevent forest friars.

I just bought some potting soil on sale. It was dirt cheap.

I think I saw Michael J. Fox at the garden center this morning, but I can’t be sure. He had his back to the fuchsias.

If only I could grow green stuff in my garden like I can in my refrigerator.

Knowledge is knowing that tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Sherlock Holmes was doing some gardening. Watson asked what he planted.

He replied, “A lemon tree, my dear Watson.”

The only way to guarantee some color all year round is to buy a garden gnome.

What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?

Where’s popcorn?

What do you call a garden that is chicken-proof?

Impeccable.

What do you call a grumpy, short-tempered gardener?

A snapdragon.

What do you call a homeless snail?

A slug.

What do you call a stolen yam?

A hot potato.

What do you call someone who buys up the garden store’s whole stock of shrubbery?

A hedgehog.

What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?

Pumpkin pi.

What gets bigger the more you take away?

A hole.

What grows under your nose?

Tulips.

What is a zucchini’s favorite sport?

Squash.

What kind of flower looks like it just came back from a fight?

A black-eyed Susan.

What part of a plant has the most friends?

The bud.

What vegetable can tie your stomach in knots?

String beans.

When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

What’s the fastest vegetable?

A runner bean.

Which vegetable did Noah leave off the ark?

Leeks.

Why did the gardener bury all her money?

To make her soil rich.

Why doesn’t Elton John like lettuce?

He’s more of a rocket man.

With these jokes, you’ll be the most sparkling conversationalist at your next garden club meeting or next time you see a friend who likes to garden. Have a favorite gardening joke that isn’t on our list? Let us know in the comment section.